( listen / turn-off Arin )
So, Margot just told us in a
memo she got a new advertiser for Supple.
Impact Protein Bars. I have to admit: I have been obsessed with
these things since I saw that funny commercial on television. You
know, the one with that cute little Chihuahua in the woman’s
bag who eats her Impact bar and turns into a Great Dane? (I don’t
know if I feel worse for the dog or the woman – imagine a
Great Dane sitting in your Prada handbag. Yipes.) Anyway, I went
to the deli and bought a box – yes, a box – of them
and have been sneaking them into work every day. Now I
don’t have to! Hallelujah! They’re going to be right
there in the friggin’ vending machine. Calling out to me!
Actually, this could be a problem... I have to practice restraint.
If I don’t I’ll end up either a) 300 pounds by the
end of the year or b) so pumped full of protein I’ll be able
to lift Hugh’s desk with an arched eyebrow...
A Few Thoughts
About My Desk Chair
I really like my desk chair. I mean, it’s one of those $1,000
contraptions designed by some Danish engineering genius that Margot
is on the ins with. This thing is incredible! I’m sitting
in it right now as I type this. Not only does it support your lower
back while you’re sitting for hours (not that I do that much!),
it swivels, it has cool armrests, it raises and lowers to the perfect
height – almost like it knows exactly where I want it. I
wouldn’t be surprised if my office chair can read my mind.
Once, I was wearing my new David Z pumps to work and I tripped
just as I was heading to the desk. I swear to Giorgio that just
as I began to fall forward, my desk chair turned in my direction
and I fell right into it! No one even noticed. Amazing, right.
Oh, my goddess. You will not believe this: Hugh just yelled something
to Margot and said the word “chair” just as I typed
the same word. Spooky. I better stop writing for today...
An Unsettling Thought
I’m not happy to announce this, but I seem to be attracted
to Hugh. I KNOW! It’s shameful. But here’s what happened:
Last week, I had a dream that Hugh and I were climbing Mount Everest
(I’d fallen asleep with some Nova adventure program playing
on television). I got really cold and he lent me his parka. That
was it. But it was the way he handed it to me. I mean, he started
to hand it to me, then stopped and held it open for me to slip
into like we were at a fancy restaurant or something. And it was
sooooo warm... Anyway, I got to the office and – get this – I’m
rushing for the elevator and Hugh was in it already. He held the
door open for me...even though the elevator was already packed!
I could barely speak all the way up to the office. Then when we
got upstairs, he said, “Hey, freakass. What’s your
problem?” I could have kissed him. Instead I threw a paperclip
at his head. I think that was the right thing to do.
When I am Queen
I can’t wait until I run Supple. It’ll happen
one day; I know it. And I have such great ideas for the magazine.
I want people to write in their own experiences of being a Single
Urban Professional. And we can run the best ones every issue! I’ll
call it “Supple Stories” or something really clever.
I have to think about it. Also, I want to get rid of the dress
code. It’s so stuffy! Margot is constantly ragging on us
about being fashionable and how much we spend on outfits. Sure,
I understand this is a fashion magazine, but come on! On what I
get paid, I can’t afford to dress like she does. Besides,
just because we feature the latest fashions doesn’t mean
we should be forced to wear them. I mean, by that logic, anyone
who sells vegetables should be vegetarian. Or something like that.
It’s an analogy that needs some work, I admit, but you get
the point... Anyway, you can bet there’ll be big changes
at Supple when I’m queen. Man, I can’t wait...